Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 73 (2001)

Previously in Group Efforts:
Amrat, newly promoted over Llewellyn's head, seemed determined to rub his former boss's nose in it. Cathy, meanwhile, humbly accepted the All Stars' invitation to return to the fold, and enthusiastically joined in with the canteen discussion on Amrat's big break. But just as Bernard thought normality had returned, Matt returned instead, with dire news - the 'broken' Llewellyn was secretly plotting Amrat's downfall, and it looked as if Cathy had been his spy at the All Stars' table..

Now read on, as Cathy's denied Access, a bright Spark arrives, Danny makes a shrewd payout and Costello drops a bombshell…

Monday 5th
I hate working in a bad atmosphere, but sometimes principles must take priority over comfort. Cathy fiercely denied having acted as Llewellyn's mole but, sad to say, I didn't believe her, and as All Stars FoC it fell to me to perform the solemn act of officially denying her Access to Tea. It's a tricky situation given our close inter-departmental links, and one that's been made no easier by Danny launching an all-out insult offensive on Joan Davis, claiming it as an 'act of solidarity' (although 'opportunism' is probably nearer the truth).
Llewellyn's never had Access to Tea anyway, so our range of punishments has been limited to business-only conversation (not much different from the norm, it must be said), and a refusal to pass the Evian at management meetings. Amrat, however, has greater scope, and is currently denying him a Whistler beta while making sure he 'accidentally' receives the Whistler beta-testers e-letter so he knows what he's missing. Between us, we may bring the Beast to heel yet.

Thursday 8th
Amrat's replacement as local Systems Manager pops round to introduce himself. He's called Spark (it's not clear whether this soubriquet is his surname, nickname or whatever), and his interests, I learn, include whitewater canoeing and kiteboarding, both of which sound rather chilly at this time of year. Spark tells me about Microsoft's forthcoming .NET Framework, and asks if I'm planning to do any development using Visual Basic.NET in Visual Studio.NET on the .NET platform. I reply that we normally leave that sort of thing to the beard-and-sandals brigade, which seems to confuse him (possibly because he's wearing trainers).
Then Sheila comes in with some coffees, which seems to confuse him even more, causing him to scatter his papers (most of them headed 'An Introduction to VB.NET, by Spark') on the floor. My request for a new network driver seems to make the new man's confusion complete, and he heads off for his next visit, awarding himself a good long gaze at Sheila on the way out. It seems that Sheila has acquired a new admirer, though quite what Llewellyn has acquired is another matter.

Wednesday 14th
Sadly, Rose and June's prediction that giving Danny custody of the CD writer would be a 'bootlegger's charter' has proved correct. His misdeeds come to light when a steady trickle of visitors starts arriving, demanding their money back because the CDs he sold them won't play in their hi-fi's. A search of his desk reveals a small collection of audio CDs plus a much larger stack of unbranded blank discs. That doesn't constitute actual proof of copying, of course, but the pile of handbills advertising 'Disco Dan's Chart Bargains, just £3 per CD' probably does.
The firm takes copyright issues very seriously since the Dorking Biggie Fiasco, and I tell Danny I'll have to report the matter. He asks me to let him make amends first by refunding everyone's money, and I agree. An all-customers email is sent out, and during the afternoon what seems like the whole firm (plus some extras) beats a path to Disco Dan's desk.
The B2s, Andy Miller and the entire staff of Solvents Stores are no surprise, but Kay Bridges, Joan Davies (so much for solidarity!) and - of all people - George Barker are. However it's the arrival of Costello's secretary, Jenny, that puts the lid on things. Jenny primly informs me that 'I didn't buy these things, you know', leaving me in no doubt who did, and that Disco Dan's client base is a can of worms that's best left unopened. The lad's made his point (rather cleverly, I must say), and I tell him he's off the hook, then wearily ring Spark to have the CD Writer moved to the safety of Sheila's PC.

Friday 23rd
Giving Spark an entrée into Sheila's workstation has turned out to be a bad move. The machine now sports a completely new set of device drivers (actually the old ones painstakingly reinstalled) plus the latest version of DirectX, RealPlayer 8, an upgraded printer control panel and a Kiteboarding World screen saver, all courtesy of a clearly love-struck Systems Manager, who seems to have taken root beside her desk. Sheila's flattered, but also married and keen to avoid any misunderstandings, so I ring Llewellyn to have Spark removed.
I find myself talking to what can only be described as a gibbering wreck of a man, who says "Aha - so you want to speak to me now, do you, Pierce?" and proceeds to ask me how I'd feel if someone who'd worked for me had been promoted to HQ, leaving me languishing in the backwoods. I point out that someone has, that it's the same person as he's talking about, and that I'm managing to live with it. Then I ask what he's going to do about Spark. He asks me if Spark's trying to teach Sheila Visual Basic.NET, and when I say no, replies that I've got nothing to worry about then, have I, and rings off. It's all beginning to unravel, and I think I've just pulled the string.

Tuesday 27th
The management meeting, complete with a rare attendance by Chapman. Costello takes the chair as usual, and is on form, wryly informing Andy that Sunbury A completion bonuses will, indeed, be dependent on getting Sunbury A completed, and congratulating Llewellyn on recruiting a bright Spark to the I.T. team. The perennial Isleworth overspends and scandalous price of canteen mineral water are dealt with in the normal way (no action), then it's on to Any Other Business, and Costello drops his bombshell - he's leaving, to return to the banking sector from whence he came.
Chapman, attendance explained, steps in and gives a genuinely warm tribute to his colleague, and we all concur, wishing him the best and demanding a suitably well-fuelled leaving do. Then the question of succession comes up, and Costello says it's already decided - the new FD will be Neil Barratt, a Broadleys man (surprise, surprise) currently with a manufacturing subsidiary in the Midlands.
We've never heard of Barratt, but I detect a slight look of unease on Chapman's face when his name is mentioned, and back at the Ranch I ask Matt to make enquiries at HQ. Grim-faced, Matt says there's no need, as 'Slasher' Barratt is already a legend there for his savage cost-cutting in the divisions. At that moment Andy, who's been consulting his own sources, arrives with the same story, and we convene an emergency All Stars congress. It looks as if dark clouds are gathering on the horizon.

Next in Group Efforts:
Can the All Stars stop Barratt from slashing? Can Llewellyn pull himself together, or is he coming apart at the seams? Can Spark convert Sheila to the benefits of the .NET platform's Common Language Runtime, or will she give him the benefit of some common language? Find out in Episode 74!