Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 56 (1999)

Brison makes his entrance, our hero makes his mark, Joan makes a stand and Cathy makes them quake.

Monday 1st
The entire building remains stunned by the news that the new MD is our former Finance Director, Roger Brison, whom the Old Man (RIP) ejected in disgrace four years ago over the Dorking Biggie scandal. Andy thinks that Brison may want to cleanse the management ranks of Dorking-vintage personnel. However that would mean sacking most of us, so an alternative, and not unattractive, view is forming that he'll settle for the scalp of Llewellyn, the legendary 'mere pawn' in the unlicensed software incident that actually cooked Brison's goose, and undoubtedly a man who Knows Too Much. This has evidently occurred to Llewellyn too, and he now stalks the corridors ashen-faced. Andy's offering 5/1 on an exit before Shrove Tuesday, but as a long-time observer of the I.T. Houdini, I take 10/1 against survival past Easter instead.

Wednesday 10th
The Project Resources Super-Application is now officially a Grade A fiasco. Everyone's got two PCs on their desks, one a tired old machine running a tired old Purchasing or Planning application, the other a shiny new IBM running nothing at all. After yet another review meeting spent listening to Amrat, Cathy and Bob arguing over it, I uncharacteristically lose my cool and tell them to get the damn thing working by next week or they'll all get Broadleys Thank-You Letters (as in 'Thank you for your efforts, but...'). To my amazement, they stop arguing immediately, and within ten minutes have agreed a resolution plan. Afterwards I realise that I have, unwittingly, exploited Broadleys' carefully-engineered climate of fear, clearly a weapon of devastating power. Shocked, disgusted and just a little elated, I head for the canteen and order a double-strength tea.

Tuesday 16th
The management meeting we've all been waiting for, with the first appearance of R. Brison, Managing Director. Bold as brass, he greets us as if Dorking had never happened, only his slight hesitation on reaching 'Chris' (Llewellyn) indicating Unfinished Business and my possible error in accepting Andy's tempting odds. The actual meeting, however, is uneventful, Brison's main contribution being to say that he won't be coming to many others, since Costello will be running them as before. Afterwards Chapman takes me aside and says that Broadleys prides itself on recognising key management talent, and that my decisive action on the Super-App delays has not gone unnoticed. Realising that he's referring to my 'Thank-You Letter' outburst, I begin to explain that it wasn't a deliberate tactic, but Brison calls him away, and I make my escape.

Friday 19th
Suddenly the Super-App is coming together. Amrat says he's tackled the Database Admin team, and guarantees we'll have no more SQL Server glitches. Bob says he's given Microsoft serious grief about their bug-fix, and they've emailed him a patch. Both have agreed with Cathy on a way round the Deferred Resource problem, and as a result we can start parallel-running next week. That sounds fine, but they insist on giving me a lengthy demo of the latest build, which I say is fine, and then on showing me a prototype of Phase 2, which is also fine. Finally rid of them, I go to lunch, where a cry of 'look out, it's the Enforcer' greets me on the All Stars table. My decisive management technique has, it seems, become the stuff of office legend.

Thursday 25th
A fact I've chosen not to dwell on is that I now manage the Gorgon of Purchasing, Joan 'Diplomacy' Davies. Joan is, unsurprisingly, a fierce critic of the Super-App project, and of the departmental merger, and of our new IBM PCs, which she describes as 'toys the colour of a tart's blouse'. She's now boycotting our temporary Purchase/Allocation dockets, so, dreading it, I head cross-corridor to seek a resolution, only to find Cathy already dealing with her in extremely forthright terms which include the words 'Broadleys Thank-You Letter'. Visibly thrilled by this show of strength, Joan obediently starts writing dockets. Somewhat shocked by it, I turn to Cathy, who grins, says she's always been a quick learner, and calls a quaking Tracey over for a timekeeping pep talk. The Climate of Fear has begat the Rule of Iron, with me as the unlikely catalyst.