Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 50 (1998)

Amrat gets sent packing, Llewellyn gets no takers, the B2s get a full house, and everyone gets a nasty shock.

Monday 3rd
An email bearing the firm's most unwelcome sender ID ("cj_llewellyn") arrives, announcing that we're all to be upgraded to Windows 98. Amrat arrives shortly afterwards, disc in hand, and I send him packing pending an emergency All Stars resistance campaign meeting. Grumbling that he's already been sent packing from four other departments, he says we're mad to turn down Win 98's fantastic benefits. Replying that we'd be mad to let him mess up our installations in peak season, I challenge him to start naming benefits, fantastic or otherwise. That shuts him up, and I head off to meet my comrades. Takeover or no takeover, it's still business as usual round here.

Thursday 13th
So far the only sign of Broadleys' software strategy has been my (not yet installed) pre-release of e-Suite. Nevertheless the masses are already showing their approval of a Lotus-oriented policy. The word is that bookings for Llewellyn's "Office 2000 - The Future" briefing stand at zero, while the B2's "Lotus Notes - What The Hell Is It?" session is already standing-room only (due mainly, it must be said, to the cramped dimensions of Peg's Snug). Discontent is brewing elsewhere though, with pressure for Broadleys-equalling wages and benefits reaching the Formal Request stage. George Barker, pessimistic as ever, says we shouldn't rock the boat and there'll be a sting in the tail if we do. The Canteen view, however, is that parity is an important issue, especially the bit about an extra week's annual leave for Line Managers. It's on the agenda for the next management meeting, and fingers are crossed.

Tuesday 18th
At the management meeting Broadleys bigwig David Chapman starts well by saying that cross-group alignment of employment conditions (aka parity) is indeed a priority. However he then says that Broadleys' terms have been made possible by substantial efficiency gains, and that those gains will, of course, have to be matched here. No-one needs a translation of 'substantial efficiency gains', and there's a stunned silence in the room, broken only by Costello telling us to remain silent about it for the time being. Afterwards Andy rings his HQ contact to find out just how substantial those gains actually were. Putting the phone down, he sits white-faced and says nothing. George, to his credit, refrains from telling us he told us so, but a general feeling of sea-sickness, accompanied by tail-induced stinging, reminds us that we should have listened to the voice of experience. The takeover honeymoon is, apparently, over.

Wednesday 26th
June comes in and says that her PC seems to be running Windows 98. I check, find it's true, and ring Amrat, who informs me that we've all been running Windows 98 since last weekend's unannounced all-departments upgrade, and that I needn't worry about upgrades in future since he'll be doing them by remote control from the I.T. Lubyanka. Outraged, I ring Llewellyn, who tells me to complain to Chapman, as it was his idea and that's the way they do things at Broadleys. He then says that he can't see my problem anyway, since I hadn't even noticed the difference. I reply that if I can't tell the difference, then I don't see the point of the change. He replies that it's corporate policy, and to talk to Chapman about that too. Big Brother has, it seems, been upgrading us.

Friday 28th
Peg's Snug is packed for the B2's Notes session. Cathy said Notes was a cross between Internet newsgroups and a word processor, but in fact it's more like a cross between Internet newsgroups and a spreadsheet, which is much better. Asked by George what it's actually for, Bill replies 'data-driven groupwide collaboration', which doesn't impress us much. However Bob's description of it as Lotus's 'Kick-Microsoft's-Arse' product does, and we all agree it's a Good Thing. Reminding us that they're Authorized Notes Resellers, the B2s promise a painless implementation and send us back to the Ranch in high spirits. To our shock we find the place in uproar, with rumours of mass redundancies sweeping the building. News of the Efficiency Gains Programme has obviously leaked out. Difficult times lay ahead.