Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 46 (1998)

Win 98 has an impact, our hero has a tête-à-tête, Danny has a scripting session and Andy has a shock.

Wednesday 4th
The corridors are buzzing with the rumour that we're about to sell Smithsons. This sounds unlikely, given our recent cross-border contract gains, but just as I'm about to ask Alan Jenkins about it our videoconference link suddenly dies. Llewellyn later announces that the break was due to a BT fault at Carlisle, but a rat has definitely been smelt, and I call an emergency All Stars Summit in Peg's. Andy, who knows about these things, says that disappointing cross-group synergy levels (i.e. not enough sackings) have failed to outweigh the debt incurred during the Smithsons acquisition, and that the Old Man wants to dump it before our share price dives. Our Scots friends are clearly not long for this world, so we wish them good luck with a toast of single malts.

Thursday 12th
An email arrives from the Systems Support Manager (Amrat) inviting me to the first Preparing for Windows 98 briefing session. Unaware that we had to prepare for it, I consult George, who says it's just Internet Explorer 4 and a couple of new device drivers, and not to worry. Later I put this to Amrat, who replies, rather sniffily, that Mr. Barker should leave it to Systems Management to evaluate the departmental impact of platform upgrades. Identifying a staff development opportunity, I call Cathy over and ask her if she'd like to attend the briefing, at which point Amrat says that it's strictly for Management grades only. Telling him that in that case he'd better put it where the sun rarely shines, Cathy storms out. For a minor upgrade, Win 98 seems to have had quite a departmental impact already.

Tuesday 17th
It's official - Smithsons is for sale, with 'a number' of bidders already interested. Deftly removing Danny's 'Adios Jock' page from our intraweb site, I head for the management meeting, where Costello explains that disappointing cross-group synergy levels etc. etc., that Smithsons is being sold as a going concern, and that the sale won't affect staff on either side of the border. Andy's view on the last point is that Costello must think we were born yesterday, but that the post-sale carnage will all be on the Clyde. Arriving back I catch Danny putting the finishing touches to a JavaScript-driven Smithsons P45-ometer page (reduce the sale price and see the redundancy count grow). Impressed by my own skill, I change it to a DannyOmeter (three Smithsons strikes and he's out), and make it his browser's home page. Joking aside though, we live in dangerous times.

Friday 20th
For some reason Cathy's blaming me for Amrat's tactlessness over the Win 98 briefing, and is speaking to neither of us. Conscious of the need for diplomacy in inter-management relations, I invite Amrat to a private tête-à-tête where I tell him to stop being a stupid young jackass and that I'll send whoever I damn well like to his briefings. This clarifies matters nicely, and the lad invites her personally on the way out. Later the canteen conversation turns, naturally enough, to how Llewellyn will try to turn the Smithsons sale to his advantage. George's theory has him masterminding a pre-sale rout of Smithsons I.T. department, then offering the new owners a Facilities Management deal flown by wire over his precious trans-border link. This has the authentic Llewellyn Edge of Darkness to it, and wins George a record-breaking 100th free tea.

Wednesday 25th
In videoconference with Alan Jenkins I mention George's theory about Llewellyn, saying that it sounds crazy but you can't be too careful. Alan replies that Bill Campbell's already on to it, and has begun a programme of secret measures designed to render Smithsons' system unmanageable by Llewellyn's department. Impressed, I log off and head for the canteen, where I meet a white-faced Andy Miller. He says the hot story on his City news wire is that a major conglomerate has done its sums over the Smithsons disposal, and decided we're seriously undervalued. As a result we're now the target of a hostile takeover bid - one which would undoubtedly result in carnage on both sides of the border. Suddenly things look serious for all of us.