Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 43 (1997)

Our hero's steeped in rumour, Transport's steeped in controversy and Amrat's nearly steeped in solvent.

Wednesday 3rd
The entire building is convinced that I'm having an affair with Cathy, with opinion split equally between those who consider me a disgusting Lothario and those who consider me a valuable source of advice on how to manage it themselves. I explain to Andy and George that my sudden helpfulness towards her is, in fact, part of a plan to get her promoted to Management Grade One and safely off my patch. This obviously cuts no ice, however, as three more brochures for mid-life virility-boosting tonics arrive by the next internal post. Cathy, meanwhile, seems blissfully unaware of it all. Damage limitation is the only option, so I tell Danny that labelling my office 'The Love Shack' again will earn him a P45, and bury myself in Reading B costings.

Tuesday 9th
Further developments in the Christmas IntraWeb site competition provide a welcome diversion from other matters. Amrat, shaken by an anonymous email warning not to walk near the Solvents tanks after dark, has removed the disputed reindeer GIFs from I.T.'s site. Meanwhile Transport has admitted paying the B2's Bob (in pints) to arrange for copies of I.T.'s and Solvents Stores' pages to be diverted to them during daily backup procedures. This is clearly against the rules, but as Bob seems to have cured the public folder lockup problem in the process I.T. have decided to keep running his scripts anyway. Our own site ('Planet Planning's Active Yuletide Channel') is progressing nicely under Cathy's direction, although I'm careful not to be too effusive in my praise. With luck the other business will blow over soon.

Thursday 11th
Cathy storms in and asks me if I realise that everyone thinks we're having an affair. I ask her why it took her so long to cotton on, she asks how long I've known, I tell her, and that seems to make matters worse. She then demands that I do something about it, at which point a rather accomplished MIDI rendition of 'here comes the bride' starts wafting in through the door. She storms out, I confiscate Danny's speakers, and, recognising that crisis point has arrived, make an Executive Decision. I call Amrat and arrange an off-site meeting in a secret location (Peg's Snug), at which a Plan is Thrashed Out. Swearing the lad to secrecy, I head back to set the final chapter in motion.

Tuesday 16th
Excitement at the management meeting, as we're to have a sneak preview of the final Christmas IntraWeb entries, displayed on Training's big-screen Barco courtesy of Intranet maestro Amrat. Costello calls for hush and Llewellyn clicks his preview shortcut, only to find himself staring at the videoconferenced image of Alan Jenkins, my Smithsons opposite number. Alan reads a prepared statement in which he confirms that my support for Cathy's advancement was all his idea, and that my sole desire towards her is to get her out from under my feet. He's then grilled on the details by the All Stars until Costello, recovering from his astonishment, calls time. At lunch the Canteen Court of Appeal judges Alan's testimony watertight, and I'm officially declared innocent, with a free tea as compensation for my suffering. It's rough justice, but at least it's been done.

Friday 19th
It's the moment we've all been waiting for, as the results of the Christmas IntraWeb Site competition are announced. Andy has Transport at 6/4 on Favourite, with Solvents Stores at 3/2 after a rumoured late charge, but to everyone's amazement the winner is Santa George's Grotto, led by our own Mr. Barker in animated cotton-wool whiskers. Apparently the Old Man had the B2s analyse the pages, and, wanting to reward traditional creativity over high-tech frippery, deducted 10 points for each JavaScript routine and 50 for an ActiveX control, leaving I.T. with a negative total. We, meanwhile, have been awarded an honourable mention, and with the other business now a receding memory I'm able to publicly congratulate Cathy for her sterling work. The rest of the team concur, and we all head off to Peg's CyberSaloon for celebratory refreshment.