Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 38 (1997)

Our hero's away, so up-and-coming Planning Executive Cathy Reeve takes the helm.

Monday 19th
The boss is off for a fortnight's holiday, and I'm in charge. So far it's going well - Danny and I have an understanding (he steps out of line, I remove parts of his anatomy), Rose, June and Sheila are being very supportive, and Andy Miller from Contracts hasn't called me 'sweetheart' once. Amrat, naturally, came round first thing claiming to have arranged to test his new Registry Reorganiser utility on our system while Bernard just happened to be away. I, naturally, showed him the door. His boss, Chris Llewellyn, rang back to say that it was all quite genuine, and I said that Bernard hadn't told me about it, so it still wasn't on. I think I'm getting the hang of this executive business.

Tuesday 20th
An ordeal I've been dreading, the weekly management meeting with me as Bernard's stand-in. In fact it's not too bad - Tim Costello gives me a nice welcome and is very helpful, while the rest of the managers seem too preoccupied with other matters to dish out their legendary newcomers' rough ride. They keep referring to the 'West Lothian Question', which I thought was something to do with a Scottish Parliament, but seems instead to be about Bill Campbell from Smithsons being put in overall charge of I.T. I can't see what the fuss is about, as Bernard's gang have always hated Llewellyn and Bill Campbell seems really genuine. If this is what they get up to every Tuesday, I'm surprised the company's still in business.

Thursday 22nd
I need to retrieve Bernard's Hounslow summaries, so sit at his desk in the Inner Sanctum, to cries of 'yes, your Majesty' from my workmates. Bob from the B2s pops in to say that he finds powerful women very attractive, and I reply that, unfortunately, I can't say the same about fat, middle-aged COBOL programmers. Amrat, persistent as ever, turns up with his RR program, this time brandishing a memo from Llewellyn requesting my cooperation. That puts me in my place, so I leave him to it and go to lunch. To my amazement I'm invited onto the managers' table, where I'm congratulated for making Llewellyn commit himself in writing, something he normally avoids at all costs. I'm then presented with a free tea, apparently the highest honour they can bestow. It's all becoming quite surreal.

Wednesday 28th
Rose complains that the new materials monitoring system can't do inter-project transfers. Amrat says that's true, as such things are strictly forbidden at Smithsons. I ring Llewellyn, who tells me to submit a written Change Request, adding patronisingly that 'perhaps you should wait until your manager returns'. Keeping my cool, I hang up and ask Sheila for a CR form. I've just finished filling it in when Andy Miller arrives on an unofficial eye-keeping visit and says that Bernard will go ballistic if I start demanding system changes behind his back. Realising that I'm caught between the proverbial rock and hard place, I decide that progress must take priority, and sign the form. Andy walks off shaking his head, and I'm left thinking that this management business isn't quite so easy after all.

Friday 30th
My last day as a stand-in manager. Overall it's been a success - Danny's behaved himself (almost), Amrat hasn't permanently crashed our system, and we've actually recovered some Hounslow backlog. Tim Costello comes round to say 'well done', a really nice gesture which has everyone making 'director's pet' remarks but doesn't stop them from giving me a box of chocolates, which is even nicer. Bernard, who's convinced I'm after his job, would probably be horrified by all this praise. In fact his job is the last thing I'd want, as I've no intention of ending up as one of Andy Miller's dead-end canteen cronies. I wouldn't tell him that though as I know he'd be offended, so for the time being I'll head back to the shop floor and keep my real ambitions to myself.