Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 33 (1996)

Llewellyn's disappearance, Cathy's extra brownie points, George's secret URL and Danny's bare-faced cheek.

Monday 2nd
Amid continuing rumours of his impending demise, Llewellyn invites all line managers to an I.T. technology demonstration. There we find three PCs running Windows 95 - or not, as one of them is in fact running the new '95-alike' NT 4.0 Server. Llewellyn says it offers shared API, full server and peer-client relationships to Win 95 workgroups, facilitating polymorphic task-resource mapping. This, George explains, means he wants it to replace NetWare. To check the opposition manifesto, we invite Bob, Llewellyn's rumoured successor, for a lunchtime pint. He says there's nothing wrong with NetWare, and asks why we want his opinion. We say he knows very well why, but he says he doesn't. Convinced by this cagey response that changes are indeed imminent, we return to our constituencies and prepare for new government.

Friday 6th
Andy Miller calls to say that I should take a look at Planet Planning before Costello does. Clicking on the link to 'Danny's Fun Feast', I'm confronted by a row of unclad bottoms allegedly belonging to the board of directors, with an invitation to match names to photos and win £5. I tell Danny to erase it immediately or win a P45, and call Amrat to ask why on earth he allowed it on the server. He replies sheepishly that Danny told him it was a charity fund-raiser, so he allowed him direct upload access. Later I take canteen flak for spoiling the fun, until Andy says that Llewellyn's specialist knowledge would have guaranteed him the prize anyway, causing several people to choke on their puddings. From now on all Planet pages must be approved by me.

Tuesday 10th
Returning from lunch, I find Costello in the department. I invite him into my office, but he says he's come to ask Cathy for more help with his goal-seeking worksheet, which seems to be scoring mainly own-goals. Ignoring Sheila's smirks, I leave them to it and tell myself that it has no significance. When Costello leaves without saying goodbye to me, I tell myself that has no significance either, but catch Rose and June smirking too. Later Danny loudly asks Cathy if he can have her desk when she takes over mine. Telling him to shut it, she flushes red, though whether from embarrassment or guilt I can't tell. On reflection I decide that I will, after all, take advice on goal-seeking from her, but only if she offers it first.

Friday 13th
The building is humming with the news of Llewellyn's disappearance. He hasn't been seen for three days, his secretary is saying only that he's 'had to go away', and Costello has been cloistered with the Old Man all morning. Danny claims to have heard reports of a besuited corpse being fished from the Thames, but Andy says that an early bath with six months' salary in lieu is the likelier explanation. Meanwhile Bob has cancelled his Porsche order, by general agreement a sure sign that he'll soon be driving a company Mondeo. New rumours are posted hourly on George Barker's Cut The Thread page, a top-secret URL known only to the Inner Circle, while Danny is providing a separate newsfeed courtesy of a mole on the top floor. It only remains for a formal announcement to end the whole traumatic business.

Tuesday 17th
An email from Costello invites everyone to the canteen at 11am for an important announcement. Bloodlust is in the air, but instead of Llewellyn's sacking, Costello and the MD announce our takeover of Smithsons, a Glasgow-based company that will give us an important foothold in the North. They also apologise for the secrecy, which was necessary in order to fox our main competitor. Afterwards Costello tells me that the Intranet did a brilliant job of diverting attention from Llewellyn's role in the takeover strategy taskforce, but that George really should sort his colour schemes out. Homeward in Peg's, Bob says his wife discovered his Porsche order form and demanded a conservatory instead on pain of divorce. Mixed feelings of guilt, foolishness and disappointment hang over the All Stars table, but begin to fade as we order another round.