Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 32 (1996)

Stormy weather, IntraWeb fever, embarrassment for our hero and a knotty problem for Llewellyn.

Monday 4th
Hot gossip from the top floor, as the grapevine (prop. A. Miller) reports that the Old Man dished out a Force 10 to both Llewellyn and Costello over the Sales System Fiasco, with the phrase 'seriously disappointed' - code for Heads Rolling - definitely used. Proving himself a shrewd political operator (if nothing else), Llewellyn immediately satisfies the MD's bloodlust by sacking two junior programmers, in the process pre-empting Costello, who was rumoured to be planning a sacking of his own. Llewellyn's career is now said to be hanging by a thread, which may explain the wave of scissors-like gestures currently sweeping the building. Amrat says he never thought he'd be so glad to be banged up in Solvents Stores, and I can see his point.

Thursday 14th
A rare personal visit from Costello, who thankfully seems to have calmed down since last week's dramatic events. It turns out that he's come to seek my advice, as a 1-2-3 expert, on how to use the program's goal-seeking features. Highly embarrassed, I confess that I've never actually goal-sought, although I can manage basic what-if? tables if that's any help. It isn't, and he's about the leave, when Cathy says she knows about goals, builds a template to his specifications, and emails it to him for later use. Telling me, rather pointedly, that I ought to get Cathy to explain them to me too, he exits, rather pointedly thanking her again as he does. Ignoring Sheila's smirks, I retire to my office and press F1 for Help.

Tuesday 19th
An email from Amrat tells me to 'point my browser' at a string of gobbledegook if I want to see something interesting. A quick cut and paste later I'm staring at "Purchasing WebWorld" with a photo of a grinning George Barker and team. In the canteen Amrat tells me that he can do us next week, and to email him potted biographies of everyone by Friday. I decline the offer and return to the department, where Rose and June ask when our Web pages are going to be ready, saying that it'd better be soon because they don't see why Tracey from Transport's baby should be famous when Rose's is much better looking. Bowing to the inevitable, I tell them to summarise their life stories, and call Solvents Stores.

Friday 22nd
Rumours spread like wildfire round here, the latest being that Costello has offered Llewellyn's job to Bob , and that Bob is currently weighing up the pleasure of displacing his ex-boss against the need to cancel his Porsche order. Meanwhile Intranet fever has gripped the company, with almost every department now boasting its own IntraWeb 'site', including, embarrassingly, 'Planet Planning' featuring yours truly, staff and Patrick John. Llewellyn is apoplectic, partly because the Intranet Project's failed to follow its hidden Office-promoting agenda, but mainly because he's scared witless what Costello's going to say. His attempts to close it down have, however, met with sharp resistance from departmental heads keen to retain their online presence, and Amrat is now operating from his Shed under the protection of two Solvents minders. Whoever said the Net will lead to anarchy should come and see it happening right here and now.

Tuesday 26th
A packed management meeting, the main attraction being item seven, 'Use of the Company Intranet', tabled by T. Costello and generally assumed to mean High Noon for Llewellyn. Ignoring Andy's 'Is Bob coming?' quip, Llewellyn sits silently through items one to six, then suddenly bursts into life, denouncing the IntraWeb as an unauthorised personal experiment and promising to dismantle it forthwith. Costello lets him finish, then says that his view, and that of the MD, is that it's a brilliant idea which has done more for company-wide team spirit than 40 years of Christmas dinner-dances. He then shuts up and allows Llewellyn to tie himself, almost literally, in knots while attempting to retract everything he's just said. Watching him writhe, I wonder if perhaps this isn't a bit too cruel, but remember two newly-unemployed youngsters and return Andy's gleeful wink instead.