Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 31 (1996)

Rose is back, the B2s are in the money, Llewellyn's in the doghouse and the Stores are Online.

Wed 2nd
Normality has returned, and although it's meant the loss of the blessed Dolores, it's still a welcome relief. Rose, back from maternity leave, is conscientiously keeping baby talk to a minimum. Sheila is knitting bootees, June's knitting a matinee coat and Danny is offering to teach young Patrick John some hot Doom cheats. At a meeting in Peg's War Cabinet Room Andy, George and I discuss Llewellyn's forthcoming Office offensive. We agree that our advance knowledge (Dolores' parting gift) is a big advantage, and that Amrat's banishment to Solvents Stores should set the Intranet Initiative back by at least a month. Beyond that we're not sure, but we order another round anyway, our spirits buoyed by comradeship and the prospect of a tough but invigorating winter campaign.

Tues 8th
That rare occurrence, a management meeting sans Llewellyn. Costello explains that he's 'tied up elsewhere', the elsewhere in question turning out to be Sales, where they've suffered a catastrophic corruption of their client database. The word is that Llewlellyn called on the B2s for help, only to be reminded that he'd specifically excluded the sales system from their maintenance contract. He'd then decided to contact the system's original authors, only to find that they were the B2s, in their days as in-house programmers. The sales team, meanwhile, are having to ask clients to remind them of their previous quotes, and the Old Man is said to be at 150 psi and ready to explode. Llewellyn was last sighted in deep negotiation with Bob, who was later spotted reading a Porsche brochure in the canteen. Scenting further Intranet slippage, I smile grimly and return to my domain.

Thurs 17th
At lunch I bump into a surprisingly cheerful Amrat, who says Solvents Stores is a brilliant place to work as nobody disturbs him and they couldn't care less what he does to their system. I ask how the Intranet project is going, and he replies, mysteriously, that everything will be revealed soon and that I'm going to love it. Llewellyn appears and asks if I'd like to co-author a memo on reduced productivity among returning maternity leave-takers. I reply that his department's biggest productivity setback was surely the loss of its two most experienced programmers, and that if I remember rightly they were made redundant, not pregnant. Visibly stung by my acid wit, he withdraws. Surprised by it myself, I bask in my colleagues' approbation and order another éclair.

Fri 25th
Amrat asks for permission to install Internet Explorer on our machines, so that we can see the fruits of his Intranet Inititative work. 10 minutes later my screen turns a hideous turquoise and the words 'Welcome to Solvents Stores Online' appear in virtually illegible red. Cathy and I then watch, speechless, as a photograph of the Stores team unfolds, followed by a list of hyperlinks to items such as 'Meet the Solvents Superstars' and 'Solvent of the Month'. Asked what she thinks of it, Cathy replies 'stunning', and I agree. I ask what Llewellyn thinks of it, and Amrat asks me not to mention it to him just yet. Happily imagining Llewellyn's first viewing, I click on '15 things you didn't know about solvents', sit back and enjoy.

Tues 29th
At the management meeting Llewellyn, now the rumoured possessor of severe budget problems, reports nothing demonstrable yet from the Intranet Initiative. I'm about to mention Solvents Stores Online when I catch what looks remarkably like a pleading expression on his face, so keep quiet and make a note in my mental black book instead. Later Rose's mother brings Patrick John in for his proud Mum to display. The department is immediately swamped with cooing female staff, including, rather worryingly, Cathy, who seems particularly taken with the little lad. Amrat dashes in, takes a three-generations photo and dashes out again, nearly flooring Llewellyn, who gives him a thunderous look and reminds me of his warnings about maternity returners. I innocently click my Solvents Online shortcut, and watch him shrink from the turquoise like a vampire from sunlight. Mental note double-underlined, I head for the War Room to meet Andy and George.