Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 30 (1996)

A relocated coalface, smoke without fire, tensions in the team and a bittersweet farewell.

Tues 10th
A good management meeting, with Llewellyn forced to admit that the Intranet Initiative's milestone gradient has so far been shallower than anticipated. Roughly translated this means that Amrat still can't get his NT server working with our client PCs. I'm forced to admit that this is mainly because Cathy won't let him plug it in to our network, but manage to deflect criticism with a moving plea for the sanctity of live data. This receives such unanimous support (excepting, of course, Smiles) that Costello asks Llewellyn to reconsider the advisability of such early production-environment testing. A canteen hero, I enjoy two extra teas purchased by admiring colleagues. Smiles' comment that I've 'certainly got a death wish' sounds the only sour note, but I ignore it and enjoy my lunch-hour of glory.

Thurs 12th
Amrat arrives and starts packing up his Dell Pentium. This, I assume, means we're no longer the Intranet Initiative coalface, which he sniffily confirms. Two chaps from Maintenance take his desk away, and suddenly we all feel guilty about his banishment. Cathy tries some NT-related chat but he's having none of it, and even Dolores' attempts at small talk are brushed aside. Later we learn the terrible truth, that he's been relocated to the Developer's Graveyard, aka Solvents Stores. I consider mailing Llewellyn about a reprieve, but ruthless self-interest wins the day. Danny then reports that Amrat's Dell is now on planks straddling two storage drums, as his desk wouldn't fit in the Solvents shed. I waver again, but Cathy disables my email client until sanity returns. Feeling relieved but culpable, I return to the familiar comfort of 1-2-3.

Wed 17th
Sadly, relations between Dolores and the other female team members have reached crisis-point. Cathy responds to any computing enquiry by suggesting that I 'ask Countess Ada Lovelace over there'. Sheila has banned Postroom Pete from the department and collects our mail from Contracts. June is still thermonuclear over the large bouquet sent by Sales to thank Dolores for her sterling work on the Tolworth revisions. Danny's ongoing impression of a sick puppy, meanwhile, has prompted the girls to buy him a rubber bone. At an impromptu meeting of the permanent staff I remind everyone that Dolores is an extremely good worker and due to leave in a couple of weeks anyway. June asks if I'd like a bone too, and I reply, coldly, that a professional attitude from my staff will suffice. An uneasy truce in place, we all go back to work.

Mon 23rd
Danny rings to say that Contracts' server has caught fire. This is, it transpires, a slight exaggeration, although wisps of grey-blue smoke are visible from the back of the machine. Andy Miller, having stopped trying to charge for admission, is now offering 5/4 on it being a complete write-off. More drama ensues when an I.T. footsoldier tries to stop Maintenance's Big Dave Kingston from applying his extinguisher to the smouldering beast. Andy has just switched to 7/2 on a first-round Dave knockout when the B2's Bob arrives, leans over the server and extracts two lit cigarette ends from a hidden waste bin. Telling the I.T. man to 'always eliminate the obvious first when dealing with these plonkers', Bob bows to the audience and leaves. We applaud enthusiastically, then return to our humdrum lives.

Thursday 26th
Rose's imminent return from maternity leave means Dolores' imminent departure, an event anticipated with ill-concealed glee by Cathy, June and Sheila, open despair by Danny, Amrat and the Maintenance team, and mixed, privately-held feelings of my own. At our final briefing session in Peg's, Dolores tells me that Microsoft is repositioning Office as a key part of its integrated intra/internet desktop strategy, and to watch out for a renewed suites campaign from Llewellyn. She also tells me I'm a very nice man, and my heart is, briefly, broken. Recovery comes quickly though, and I'm in early next morning to warn Andy and George to remain suites-vigilant. The girls, to their credit, give Dolores a nice afternoon send-off, during which a Riesling-charged Danny becomes quite tearful. Masterfully retaining my own sang-froid, I wish her all the best and slip quietly away.