Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 20 (1995)

Costello announces Windows 95, Rose announces Offspring 96, and George gives everyone his blessing.

Tuesday 3rd
Autumn Term gets properly underway with Costello announcing The Windows 95 Initiative at the management meeting. It will be, as he puts it, the most significant upgrade of computing technology in the firm's history, involving all the company's PCs and performed by a specially-trained Installation Taskforce. A whisper goes round the table that the Taskforce is in fact B2 Systems, but panic is quelled by Llewellyn's announcement that it's actually Amrat and two I.T. sidekicks, with backup from a dealer-based Microsoft Certified Professional. George, meanwhile, has been appointed Interface Evangelist, which he later explains means him taking us to the pub to tell us how great the new Desktop is. At this point Andy and I stop grinning, and begin to see the light.

Thursday 12th
Carshalton is finally finished. Just as the girls are getting down to some serious archiving, Amrat arrives to do a Windows 95 Pre-Installation Hardware Audit. This involves recording not just the processor, RAM and disk sizes of our machines, but also the exact model of disk controller, graphics adaptor and, in Danny's case, CD-ROM drive, sound card and joystick too. Amrat says it's necessary in order to avoid any upgrade-day difficulties, and Cathy comments that Windows 95 Plug and Play is supposed to mean there aren't any. He mutters something about 'legacy user mindsets', and to everyone's surprise she responds by calling him a plonker. Danny says that at this rate it'll be '96 before we see '95, and Amrat suggests he gets an original-joke transplant. Passions are clearly set to run high at the technology forefront.

Wednesday 18th
Perhaps unwisely, I've accepted Danny's offer to replace my long-defunct sound card with another of his technology bargains, and it's now arrived. The box is disturbingly free of any trademark, but without it Cinemania 95 remains mute, so money changes hands and Danny fits the kit. On rebooting, everything seems normal except that I'm no longer a member of the network. Danny adjusts the interrupt setting on the card, and this time the machine hangs solid with a blank screen. Foolishly I let him change the network card settings too, following which the machine won't boot even with the sound card removed. Deliverance comes in the unlikely form of the B2's Bill, who demands cash in hand but gets me back on line almost immediately. The cash comes from the hand of Danny, and I begin investigations into the price of legitimate aural stimulation.

Monday 23rd
Rose proudly announces that's she's expecting, and the whole department erupts in a flood of congratulations and well wishes, during which even Danny is allowed to kiss her. Thanks to the marvels of maternity leave she won't have to give up her job, and the leave itself is a few months away yet, for both of which I'm grateful. Danny earns a clip round the ear for commenting that she'll soon need a reinforced chair to support her gut, and Sheila, our Health and Safety Representative, makes a note to contact Office Services. I surreptitiously check for signs of broodiness in Sheila and June. Both seem symptom-free, but I later spot Rose and Cathy in worryingly deep and dewey-eyed conversation. Amrat pops round with his congratulations and says he hopes to have a baby himself one day, which sends everyone home with smiles on their faces.

Friday 27th
To my dismay I receive an email from Llewellyn informing me that my peer-to-peer experience qualifies me as a Windows 95 Skillholder, since the new system comes with workgrouping as standard. In a pre-emptive strike I refuse flat to be called a Peer-Sharing Evangelist, to which Llewellyn replies that it's a deal as long as I agree to address one of Smiles' Management 95 Workshops. I ask if I can take everyone to the pub like George instead, and get an immediate response asking for full details of George's evangelising activities. I reply that he can find out for himself any Thursday at 1pm in Peg's, and he mails back asking where Peg's is. Momentarily sorry for him, I consider emailing him the pub's real name, but on reflection log out and head off to join the Reverends Miller and Barker for evensong.