Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 6 (1994)

Bernard waits, Smiles is banished, and Rose, June and Amrat all get what they wanted most.

Wed 1st
Being a convict awaiting sentence has its compensations. Since the Software Audit my team have been positively solicitous towards me, aware that I will be carrying the can for the dodgy files found on their PCs. Never have I had so many cups of coffee delivered to my desk, Amrat did a whole day's project planning without being reminded to and I haven't seen the tell-tale double-click of Danny minimising Windows Solitaire for days. I've not heard a thing from Finance Director Brison either though, and the strain is increasing. George Barker got a public warning - a memo naming Purchasing as transgressors and telling the rest of us to watch out. I try not to think about what Brison's planning for me, but wish he'd get it over with.

Friday 3rd
My copy of Lotus 1-2-3 for Windows arrives. I glare at the I.T. man (different chap, but still with beard and glasses) who gives me a lecture about not letting it be copied onto anyone else's PC. Amrat tells me that the previous version was a dog, but this one's fine. I'm disappointed, however, to find that it isn't like my trusty DOS copy in every last detail, and am relieved to discover that I'm still allowed to use the DOS product 'for a reasonable transition period'. I put the Windows manuals in my 'must read soon' drawer and get on with finishing the Egham costings in glorious 80 X 25 text mode. Still nothing from Brison - the suspense is becoming unbearable. Strangely there haven't been any Software Audit raids this week.

Tues 7th
My coat's not off when Andy Miller bursts in and tells me that Colin Smiles has been transferred forthwith to the Solvents Stores project, and the Stasi disbanded. Software Audits are history, and instead we'll have self-checks using a DIY auditing package. I'm stunned - Solvents Stores is I.T.'s equivalent to the Gulag, so Smiles must have committed High Treason. As usual Andy has the inside story, which is that Smiles had not only sprung a surprise audit on his own boss, I.T. Manager Llewellyn, but demanded immediate access to all the Directors' machines, including the MD's. Only his possession of Llewellyn's audit printout had saved him from a trip to the Job Centre. With an uncontrollable gasp of relief I suddenly realise I'm off the hook.

Wed 15th
June's PC departs this earth with a loud bang and an actual puff of smoke from the back. Amrat diagnoses power supply failure. The I.T. man's diagnosis is of a more biological nature, and he leaves without attempting to fix it. I'm composing a mail message to I.T. when I receive one from them containing incredible news - Rose and June's machines have been declared derelict, and will be replaced that very afternoon with new 486SX's. Even more incredibly, I.T. turn up and install them as promised. June's disk has, it transpires, been corrupted, but good old NetWare had got virtually everything safely across to the server, so it's not a big problem. June and Rose go home in a cloud of general goodwill.

Tues 21st
Amrat comes to see me. He's got his job with I.T. at last, and wants to thank me for everything, is sorry to leave but it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity etc etc. I'm a bit miffed at having wasted a year trying to turn him into a Planning Executive, but can see he'll make a much better I.T. man and wish him all the best. Rose and June hug him and demand large drinks on his last day. Danny calls him a lucky sod and demands copies of all the hot software from I.T. Amrat replies solemnly that unauthorised distribution is strictly forbidden. Sheila starts a collection, I put a fiver in and recall my own first steps up the rickety corporate ladder. Andy and George are on for a quick homeward pint, so I join them.