Group Efforts 21

Group Efforts
The Diary of a Workgroup Manager

Episode 4 (1994)

Bernard feels the heat, Llewellyn strikes back, dire consequences are promised and Danny brings everything to a halt.

Mon 4th
For the first time in my life (to my knowledge at least) I am the object of bitter, unyielding hatred. Rose and June have somehow twigged that Reception's gleaming new 486SX PCs and their own much less satisfactory 386SX upgrade kits should have been issued the other way round, and that I am somehow to blame for it. They've also heard about the reversal of the Excel Decision, and take the view that I was quick enough to fight for my favourite spreadsheet but wouldn't lift a finger to protect them from the imposition of Word for Windows over WordPerfect. Neither conclusion is entirely fair, but nevertheless I can't help seeing their point. Both women glare at me constantly, and will only communicate via Sheila.

Tues 12th
I thought things had been too quiet since the Excel Decision fiasco. Today, at the management meeting, I.T. launched their revenge attack. Barely concealing his glee, Llewellyn announced the Software Audit project, an ongoing series of random checks to ensure that only fully-licensed and approved software is in use on the company's PCs. To avoid any confusion, he pointed out that the Audit is the personal idea of the MD, who has been on a FAST seminar for senior management which apparently concentrated on the negative publicity suffered by big corporations caught using unlicensed software. Andy Miller says something about 'KGB-IT' in a fairly passable Russian accent, but no-one laughs. I go back and brief the team, making sure that Danny and Amrat pay full attention.

Mon 18th
A six-page memo arrives with details of the Software Audit. The Team Leader is Colin Smiles, a snide individual whom I've known and disliked since we were management trainees together. There's a three-week amnesty for people to clean up their disks and buy licences, then it's random swoops and dire consequences if you're caught with digital contraband. Worst of all, departmental managers are to be held responsible for their teams' compliance, although there are no suggestions on how we're supposed to make them comply. I plead with Danny and Amrat to take it seriously. Both look at me pityingly.

Thurs 21st
I finally let Amrat configure the sharing options for the LaserJet 4 printer attached to Sheila's PC. Sheila watches suspiciously, but seems happy enough once she's got her machine back. Then Danny sends a full-page, 600 dpi graphics document to the LJ4, and Sheila's machine slows to a crawl. Sheila glares at me (Rose and June are already glaring at me as a matter of principle), so I glare at Amrat, who runs over quickly, spends a minute or so coaxing Sheila's Windows control panel into life, and adjusts the 'sharing/applications processor ratio'. Sheila's PC starts working again, then the LJ4 stops with a 'memory full' error, unable to accommodate Danny's megabytes. Rose and June manage to smirk and glare at the same time. I retreat to my office and read a few pages of 'Thriving on Stress - a Self-Help Guide'.

Fri 29th
It's paranoia, I know, but I'm convinced that June and Rose are getting Danny to load their PCs with pirate software in order to drop me in it when the Audit happens. Both have newly-created shareable directories on their disks, to which I haven't been given the password. I consider demanding the passwords, but decide that it would be a bad move in the current climate. At lunch time I see Amrat deep in conversation with a member of the Stasi, as the Software Audit team is now known. As I leave the office this evening Danny is still at his desk, feeding floppies into his PC. It's unheard of for Danny to be on the premises after 5.30, least of all on a Friday. Now I know for certain that they're all plotting against me. I drive through the gate with a heavy heart.